Optimator vs. Hibernator: Lord, beer me strength.

The Hibernator	Das Optimator
Name Hibernator feels like a sleepy, beary name. Meet me at the huckleberry bushes and we’ll drink a few Hibernators. Afterwards we’ll go to the river bend and catch salmon with our bare teeth.	Name Optimator, translated into English, means something like “Zis is beer for many gud drink.” It flaunts the “opt”, which is also found in words like optimum, optimus prime, and options backdating. WINNER
Label The label features a bear lounging in front of his fireplace. Two hunters’ heads are mounted above the mantle. Oh the irony. Oh the reversal of fortunes. The hunters, it would appear, have become the hunted. WINNER	Label This label is brown. It has some kind of a coat of arms. What is it trying to hide? What, pray tell, do you need that shield for, Optimator? DON’T GET SO DEFENSIVE EVERY TIME I ASK YOU A QUESTION. You’re not fooling anybody, Optimator.
Aroma Beery. TIE	Aroma Beery. TIE
Taste When this bear knocks on your door, you’ll find he is instantly likable and bold. The hibernator packs a little spice but is not as spicy as a pumpkin ale or spiced beer. The malty taste is a notch below a Guinness on the bitterness scale. The Hibernator is otherwise extremely palatable and a pleasure to drink. It achieves a 90/100 on my completely arbitrary rating system.	Taste This super-sweet beer will leave you wondering whether the folks in Munich are sugaring the drinking water. Optimator is a dark lager with a malty taste similar to Hibernator. Though I am not normally a fan of caramel in any form, the caramel taste is right at home in this beer. Other words appropriate to describe the Optimator are “really”, “really”, and “good”. It receives a 93/100 on my no-basis-in-reality scale. WINNER
If this beer was an lolcat… Somebody had a few too many tasty kills before the long winter’s sleep. Somebody is a little too settled in to his cushy job and a little too quick to get cranky. TIE	If this beer was an lolcat… Your bottle gives away your age. Stop telling us your boring stories about the time you won the Munich chili cookoff. TIE
Birthplace Vermont: this lovely New England state is famous for not being full of stupid Southerners and its tasty maple syrup.	Birthplace Munich: the stomping grounds of the one-and-only Heidi. Munich is famous for its culture, architecture, and yearly Oktoberfest. As the fertile crescent of beer production, Munich takes the win. WINNER
Price $7.99 for 6 bottles.	Price $6.99 for 6 bottles. WINNER

Das Optimator takes the win

(I still highly recommend both, as these two are among the best I’ve tried in a while)

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• I am twice the man you are and then some. Plus infinity.

~ by wcuk on December 5, 2007.