Your Blog Sucks and So Does Mine (but mine probably sucks slightly less than yours, owing to its awesomely-verbose titles)

Don, the prolific blogger and my only real source of traffic, is going to post something deep about the subtle evolution of a blog over time.  His post reminded me of a something I’ve always wanted to write about blogging.  As usual, his words will probably be well-planned and executed, while mine will be whiny, condescending and very Maddox-like. You get what you pay for, and my words are free.  If you ask me, it’s a good deal compared to the monthly $19.99 for the NinjaDon interweblog.

Let’s not waste words on any introduction paragraph.

Thesis: 99% of blogs are an unoriginal waste of precious server space and computing cycles.

Perhaps it is the fault of the infamous Blogger template, but every blog and its red-haired stepchild have the same, boring setup.  It goes like this:

(BLOG TITLE)

(WITTY/OBSCURE SUBTITLE WHICH SHOWS HOW FUNNY/DEEP I AM)

(POST ABOUT  HOW I JUST ATE SOME GIANT BURGER FROM FAST FOOD RESTAURANT AND DESCRIPTION ABOUT WHY THE THING WAS SO EPIC) 

(POST ABOUT HOW MY RACE WENT AND HOW I FELT GOING INTO EACH LAP AND HOW OTHER PEOPLE ARE SQUIRRELLY RIDERS)

(POST ABOUT MY WEEKEND WITH PLENTIFUL INSIDE JOKES AND NAMES/PLACES THAT ALIENATE 85% OF THE READERSHIP)

Many, like me, are in the blogging business to make a little narrative of one’s life–like a public diary which one tries to force down as many throats as possible.  I try to provide a spoonful of sugar in the form of visual candy, but in the end the medicine has to go down.

defeat.jpg

What am I trying to accomplish by writing this? (“nothing,” the informed reader will say, “because nobody reads your blog, Will”).  I guess this is a plea, a call to arms, to do something worthwhile with your niche of the interwebboblogosphere.  Cast aside your vacuous subtitle (Even though Jay never updates hardtailforlife.com, I spew praise upon him for having a subtitle that actually means something).  Learn some CSS so your page doesn’t look like every other crappy-egocentric-life-narrative out there.  Write a post about somebody besides yourself.  Write a piece of fiction.  Give me something to read in addition to your life story and power-tap graphs.  Break from organizing your posts chronologically.  Stop posting YooToob links that are only marginally funny (unlike my universally awesome Internet Gems).  Credit the people whose photos and art you steal use under a creative commons license.

I’ll conclude with another demeaning image, a metaphor for the aspirations of bloggers all around the world.

delusions.jpg

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~ by wcuk on August 7, 2007.

6 Responses to “Your Blog Sucks and So Does Mine (but mine probably sucks slightly less than yours, owing to its awesomely-verbose titles)”

  1. i think you just offended me.

    but i’m not sure

    damn phd rutgers bastard

    xo
    m

  2. thesis: will just insulted 75-90% of his audience

  3. your blog sucks because it gave me spam. within one day of posting a comment on your blog, my personal email address got slammed. thank you for being a bad friend.

  4. get a real email address that can filter spam.

  5. will-
    your blog is officially popular because
    1. i read it
    2. i read it and SOMEONE ELSE who signs her comments with “xo, m” reads it
    3. #2 is enough to warrant the title of “your blog is popular”
    others should worship you now

  6. I believe what you said was very logical. But, what about this?
    what if you were to write a awesome title? I mean, I don’t wish to tell you how to run your blog, but what if you added something that makes people want more? I mean Your Blog Sucks and So Does Mine (but mine probably sucks slightly less than yours, owing to its awesomely-verbose titles) is kinda boring. You should look at Yahoo’s front page
    and watch how they create news headlines to get people to open the links.

    You might add a related video or a pic or two to grab readers interested about
    everything’ve written. Just my opinion, it would bring your posts a little livelier.

    Ivory

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