Ask Kitteh, September 3rd, 2007

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Hi Kitteh,
Do you have any tips on the best way to keep my dog’s coat shiny and healthy?
~ Will from NJ

deer will in nj,
why you iz has dawg? u can has moar fun with kittehs. no kitteh need
shyny cotes they can has shyny cotes themselvs,

luv,
kitteh

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Dear Kitteh,
I’m sick of showering, but I want to be not-stinky. Kittehs clean themselves with their tongues, right? Do you have a preferred technique? With or against the grain?

Thanks,
Putrid in Piscataway

deer putrid in piscataway,
i lykz u iz frum plases with kittehs in naymz. but why u iz pissin
away all teh kittehs? if u has a money, i iz comes to yor howse and
cleens you if u promis not piss me away.

luv,
kitteh

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Kitteh,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He always compliments me and is very good to me. My problem is that I feel funny undressing in front of him and I can’t wear sexy nighties in front of him. I have a very low self-esteem. When I look in the mirror, I see fat. I want to be able to wear sexy things for my boyfriend and feel good about myself. What can I do?

deer anonymous,
does u hav too menny moneys for cheezburgers? iz not problem, i kan
fix. u is bai tredmill. and kitteh not lykz self-asteam eether sinse
steam iz frum water and no kittehs lykz waters. it herts us.

luv,
kitteh

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dis mai friend benny. dos not need tredmill sinse metabolizm is naturmally hi

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kitteh sayz tanks fur qwestion. pls leev moar fur next weak in comments pls? k thx bai. time fur growcelery shoppen…

 

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~ by wcuk on September 3, 2007.

One Response to “Ask Kitteh, September 3rd, 2007”

  1. Dear Kitteh,

    Your column seems to be overwhelmingly unpopular. Do you attribute this to the fact that people don’t want to ask a cat about their life problems? Is it that you go to the potty in a box? Do they hate your liberal bias and outspoken opinions on gun control?

    Best,
    Willy Wonka

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