I proved it.
Thm 1. Apple introduced a new, touch-screen ipod today.
Thm 2. I like to change songs when my ipod is in my jeans pocket, but you can’t do this with a touch screen.
Lemma 1: My ipod is in its death throes.
Lemma 2: Capacitance-less, conductive jeans do not exist.
Statement: I will not be getting a touch-screen ipod in the near future, unless I also buy wafer thin, capacitance-less, conductive jeans.
- Let Q be the set of all touch-screen ipods. Let S be the set of all jeans made by Oshkosh B’Gosh.
- Q exists and is unique, by Thm. 1.
- Forget S.
- Apply induction on Q by Thm. 2 and Lemma 1.
- It follows trivially from lemma 2 and step 4 that I will not be replacing my dying iPod (diePod?) with a touch-screen ipod
100$ to the first person who crafts me a fine pair of wafer thin, capacitance-less, conductive jeans from vintage Oshkosh B’Gosh threads.