I proved it.

Thm 1.  Apple introduced a new, touch-screen ipod today.

Thm 2.  I like to change songs when my ipod is in my jeans pocket, but you can’t do this with a touch screen.

Lemma 1: My ipod is in its death throes.

Lemma 2:  Capacitance-less, conductive jeans do not exist.

Statement: I will not be getting a touch-screen ipod in the near future, unless I also buy wafer thin, capacitance-less, conductive jeans.


  1. Let Q be the set of all touch-screen ipods. Let S be the set of all jeans made by Oshkosh B’Gosh.
  2. Q exists and is unique, by Thm. 1.
  3. Forget S.
  4. Apply induction on Q by Thm. 2 and Lemma 1.
  5. It follows trivially from lemma 2 and step 4 that I will not be replacing my dying iPod (diePod?) with a touch-screen ipod

10$ to the first person who can mathematically prove that my blog is so worthless it actually worsens the human condition.

100$ to the first person who crafts me a fine pair of wafer thin, capacitance-less, conductive jeans from vintage Oshkosh B’Gosh threads.

~ by wcuk on September 5, 2007.

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