Ask Kitteh, October 1st, 2007

ask_kitteh.jpg

Dear Kitteh,

Your mis-spellings and awful grammar are pretty amusing but how does
wcuk reconcile that with his views on the Internet, spelling and
grammar, i.e., how can he host your responses on his blog and, at the
same time, condemn those who aren’t grammatically inclined? Is there a
Kitteh School where you can learn to spell and write properly? What do
you think of the obvious conundrum I find myself in–asking an
imaginary talking/typing cat if there exists an imaginary school where
said cat can learn better English skills (skillz?)?

Paradoxically yours,
Mike in HP

deer mike,

wcuk iz adop kitteh and bai cheezburgerz for kitteh. kitteh iz try
hard but inglish can has too menny roolz. kitteh speeks kitteh so
eezyer. dis iz simple- rawr, mew, meow and purr. no kitteh has a
wurry for grammerz and sintaks. dis iz langwidge iz teech in kitteh
school. iz propper. i iz not imajinairy cuz i iz mayk reespons. if
u does not beeleeve, u iz tairerist. wut iz rong with u? y do u hayt
amairika?

luv,
kitteh

hr.jpg

dear kitteh,
anonymous here. just to let you know, i lost money on those nfl picks
(won 2, lost 2, and ur tie was wrong). we all know you are going to
take the money from your fundraiser and spend it on cheeseburgers
(cheezburgers in case you don’t understand english). So here are my
questions:
can you tell us your life story? how did you come to meet the
degenerate we call will?

Up your nose with a rubber hose,
Anonymous

deer anonymous,

if i can has cheezburger iz only for zsa zsa gabornikov. nfl piks iz
still good u can has piks for seezin and u iz win cheezburgerz. u can
reed abuv for how i iz meet wcuk plz kthx bai.

kitteh can has no luv if rubber hoze iz in noze,
kitteh

hr.jpg

Dear Kitteh,

Of cell phone users with blue tooth earpeices: cyborgs, douche bags,
or tech-savvy heroes?
Need to know whether to assimilate or destroy,
I Borg

deer i borg,

dis mai frend paris hiltonhead

cellphone_cat.jpg

az u can see, kittehs doan’t hav good blootooth. it iz not fit eerz.
for hyoomins, blootooth iz not fun for kittehs. if hyoomins use
eerpeace can has wyr, kittehs lyk sins tehy can has playtyme with
wyrz. for helpin kittehs be helthy and strong, u iz bai eerpeace can
has wyr. and fansy feest. and cheezburger.

luv,
kitteh

hr.jpg

dear kitteh,
1) what do you do if a [enter gender] begins to act like [gender] is
engaged with you and only speaks about a ring and how faithful you
are. Also, you have never gone on a date with this [gender] nor ever
really seen [possesive form of gender] in person…..
2) what do you do if you have been going out with a [enter gender]
since the end of high school and everyone starts pressuring you to get
married to [possessive form of gender]. your good friend from college
has stuck by your side on the decision of not giving in, but has
unexpectedly turned on you to increase the pressure, even though
[gender] really does stand by your decision of waiting, [gender]’s
just an ass.
kitteh, what gender are you?

deer kittehkilla (does u hayt amairika too?),

u iz need ubzerving kitteh. i iz giv u egzample:

schrodingers-lolcat1.jpg

dis mai frend werner heisenbergfeld. az u can see, iz alyve (kittehs
lyk bocks but no kittehs lyk fizuhsysts tehy iz hert kittehs lyk water
herts kittehs). if u iz ubzerv kitteh, u iz no kitteh jender.

luv,
kitteh

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~ by wcuk on October 1, 2007.

3 Responses to “Ask Kitteh, October 1st, 2007”

  1. Dear Kitteh,

    Please teach Don (of NinjaDon fame) how to write proper code.

    Your friend,
    Heady Hax0r

  2. If kitteh has code he hav much sneezins

  3. deerzezt kitteh-

    iz admirez ur tockin an grammeh! iz sorteh kndeh lyk uz, buh no cumpletleh. iz speakzes slytleh difren formz uv kitteh. sinz wez spek kindeh saymz langwej, i howpz veree bigleh thatz u dooz unehstanz meh.

    luvz alwehz-
    sta*arrz kitteh

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