Optimator vs. Hibernator: Lord, beer me strength.

optimator_bibernator.jpg

 

The Hibernator

 

Das Optimator

Name

Hibernator feels like a sleepy, beary name. Meet me at the huckleberry bushes and we’ll drink a few Hibernators. Afterwards we’ll go to the river bend and catch salmon with our bare teeth.

Name

Optimator, translated into English, means something like “Zis is beer for many gud drink.” It flaunts the “opt”, which is also found in words like optimum, optimus prime, and options backdating.

WINNER

Label

The label features a bear lounging in front of his fireplace. Two hunters’ heads are mounted above the mantle. Oh the irony. Oh the reversal of fortunes. The hunters, it would appear, have become the hunted.

WINNER

Label

This label is brown. It has some kind of a coat of arms. What is it trying to hide? What, pray tell, do you need that shield for, Optimator? DON’T GET SO DEFENSIVE EVERY TIME I ASK YOU A QUESTION. You’re not fooling anybody, Optimator.

Aroma

Beery.

TIE

Aroma

Beery.

TIE

Taste

When this bear knocks on your door, you’ll find he is instantly likable and bold. The hibernator packs a little spice but is not as spicy as a pumpkin ale or spiced beer. The malty taste is a notch below a Guinness on the bitterness scale. The Hibernator is otherwise extremely palatable and a pleasure to drink. It achieves a 90/100 on my completely arbitrary rating system.

Taste

This super-sweet beer will leave you wondering whether the folks in Munich are sugaring the drinking water. Optimator is a dark lager with a malty taste similar to Hibernator. Though I am not normally a fan of caramel in any form, the caramel taste is right at home in this beer. Other words appropriate to describe the Optimator are “really”, “really”, and “good”. It receives a 93/100 on my no-basis-in-reality scale.

WINNER

If this beer was an lolcat…

Somebody had a few too many tasty kills before the long winter’s sleep. Somebody is a little too settled in to his cushy job and a little too quick to get cranky.

funny-pictures-banker-cat.jpg

TIE

If this beer was an lolcat…

Your bottle gives away your age. Stop telling us your boring stories about the time you won the Munich chili cookoff.

funny-pictures-old-man-cat.jpg

TIE

Birthplace

Vermont: this lovely New England state is famous for not being full of stupid Southerners and its tasty maple syrup.

Birthplace

Munich: the stomping grounds of the one-and-only Heidi. Munich is famous for its culture, architecture, and yearly Oktoberfest. As the fertile crescent of beer production, Munich takes the win.

WINNER

Price

$7.99 for 6 bottles.

Price

$6.99 for 6 bottles.

WINNER

   
   

Das Optimator takes the win

(I still highly recommend both, as these two are among the best I’ve tried in a while)

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~ by wcuk on December 5, 2007.

3 Responses to “Optimator vs. Hibernator: Lord, beer me strength.”

  1. Nonsense! The optimator logo is one of the most hilarious beer labels there is. The normal Spaten logo is a spade (spaten = “spade”), so naturally the optimator logo is… TWO spades.

  2. nice site/blog/post

  3. nice oicsss…funny

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