Hooking Up

getoffmylawn.jpg

The handcrafted banner above can only mean one thing: I’m adding a new regular column to the blog. This will be the column where I sit in my rocker on the porch and spout my unsolicited, senile banter as you scamper by, hoping old man Willy C. don’t see ya. I’ll do my best to use patronizing language in these posts. I’ll preface things with “when I was a kid” and refer to my readers (regardless of sex) as sonny, whippersnapper, or young man.

I hate the phrase “hook up.” Damn kids with your damn phrases.

Firstly, it has no concrete meaning. Slater and Jessie hooked up this weekend? Was it while they were making widgets at the whoosamawhatchit factory on thingamajiggy lane? I think I actually learn more from the verb “to be” than I get from “hook up.” Slater and Jessie are? Thanks, I actually learned more from that philosophical pronouncement than I did from the knowledge that they hooked up.

Secondly, “hook up” will be the subject of great mockery within 30 years. Remember how people use to “go steady” back in the day? Yeah, well some day your grandkids will laugh at you with the same patronizing attitude for “hooking up.” Of course, you wouldn’t know what it feels like to have your grandkids laugh at you; you’re just a punk whippersnapper who wouldn’t know a hard day’s work from a horse’s ass.

Get off my lawn with your “hook ups” you rapscallions.

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~ by wcuk on February 18, 2008.

10 Responses to “Hooking Up”

  1. dear old man willy c,
    you need a nap, you cranky fossiliized hagfish. we all know you and her would hang out behind jansens and “hook up.”

    your enemy,
    young and restless

  2. Young and Restless,

    When I was a kid I had to get up 1/2 hour before I went to bed. You think about this before you go running your yapper on this here hypertext journal.

  3. i’ll bust your hip old man!

    truly yours,
    young and restless

  4. Apparently being in a research rut turns optimistic grad student into angry old man. I’ve recently turned to cursing out ‘damn kids and their damn (everything)’. I’ve also been nicknamed angry old man Sal. Is there a wormhole between my space-time and yours ?

    P.S. most annoying thing kids do these days, is texting while walking on extremely slippery ice covered sidewalk. wtf?

  5. Old man Willy C., I’ll listen to your crusty yammerings as long as you want just so I can get a single whiff of that wonderful combination of pipe tabaccy and a hint of peppermint . . .

  6. I did not know that such a thing was happening between Willy C. and the fossilized hagfish.

  7. We should start doing away with phrases like “hooking up” and “getting with” and start bringing back the old school stuff like “going steady”. Fer’instance, instead of saying, “that’s fucked up”, I’m gonna start saying, “ain’t that a kick in the head”.

  8. I hooked up with your sister. oh snap! Do you even have a sister?

  9. When I was your age there was no such thing as sisters. Our mothers birthed sons and rocks and we was just fine with that. Get a haircut.

  10. can you comment on the “interweb” and its “series of tubes” next time?

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