People: Now with 22% more Stupid.

Some morons are suing physicists in order to delay construction of the Large Hadron Collider, citing moronic doomsday fears.

The builders of the world’s biggest particle collider are being sued in federal court over fears that the experiment might create globe-gobbling black holes or never-before-seen strains of matter that would destroy the planet.

I would love to see the lawyers who have to bumblekrunk their way around to try and prove the LHC poses a danger. I can imagine their feeble attempts to make a cogent argument for mini black holes. I can just see their awkward powerpoint slides and artist renditions of the great magnetic monopole of death.

Things like this always make me question the human psyche. Why would somebody willingly go through the pain and paperwork of filing this lawsuit? Somebody out there wanted to throw away a year of their lives into a nonsensical lawsuit. Somebody wanted to impede scientific progress and distribute tinfoil hats to protect the populace from science’s evil poison death rays.

I realize not everybody has a physics degree from the school which I attended in upstate NY.


As a qualified opinion on this subject, allow me to assuage your fears about the danger posed to you by your local neighborhood particle collider. This is my descending list of the things most likely to kill you:

1. Diseases of the heart
2. Malignant tumors
3. Cerebrovascular diseases
4. Chronic lower respiratory diseases
5. Accidents (unintentional injuries)
6. Diabetes mellitus
7. Influenza and pneumonia
8. Alzheimer’s disease
9. Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis
10. Septicemia (blood poisoning)
23,423. Cotton Candy
23,424. Fluffy Kittens
23,425. Nerf products
9,120,122. Particle Colliders
9,120,123. Assorted antique spoons

~ by wcuk on March 28, 2008.

8 Responses to “People: Now with 22% more Stupid.”

  1. …ever heard of it?

  2. You seem to have omitted Chuck Norris

  3. Respected scientists have actually published scientific papers on disaster scenarios at particle colliders to assuage peoples fears (somewhat technical at some points and is for RHIC (Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider) rather than the LHC):

  4. People are the worst.

  5. if you were to separate nerf products into their separate products, nerf bow and arrow alone is in the top 100. also a super soaker filled with acid ranks up there.

  6. Looking on the bright side, it looks like I’ll always have a job.

  7. Chuck Norris goes without saying. Eveyone knows he’s the number one cause of death. Roundhouse kicks to the head are no laughing matter.

  8. Security Guard: Sir, a bunch of morons have broken through our fluffy-kitten defenses and are attacking the particle collider with Nerf Crossbows!
    Physicist: All is lost then. We must abandon the facility. Quickly, everyone through the wormholes!

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