Your Crappy Blog Is Crappier Than My Crappy Blog.

Offense. Let me offer you some.

I liken blogs to a inner city check cashing place. They move in to a market where they are unneeded, try to perform a job which is already performed by other businesses, and (lacking any novel business model whatsoever) go bankrupt. With their graffiti fronts and plywood visage, they remain an eyesore for the community and serve as crack houses until they burn down in a row home fire. Yes, that sounds about right

This is installment two of a mean-spirited series of posts meant to hurt feelings. In my previous attempt to insult bloggers, I failed to draw the scorn for which I so earnestly trolled. This time I decided to take a new approach.

I constructed a blog.

My Crappy Blog.

My Crappy Blog has a header!

My crappy blog has a header image. You know who is in my header? It’s me, Narcissus! I gaze longingly at my own reflection in the water. The water is a metaphor for the writings on My Crappy Blog. The image of me is so all my visitors will know that I am the author and I am good looking. Unlike a book, my blog title tells you nothing about the content of my blog.

My Crappy Blog has a Byline!

My crappy blog has a byline. My byline can be witty and it can tell you about My Crappy Blog. My byline indicates my blog will be about a very broad, unspecified topic, such as “life” or “thoughts”, for which my day job does not qualify me to be an expert.

My Crappy Blog has a blogroll!

My crappy blog doesn’t get many hits : ( To compensate, I will whore the blogroll on My Crappy Blog to hundreds of sites I never actually read! My Crappy Blogroll is an attempt to get other blogs to list me in their blogrolls out of guilt. My Crappy Blogroll is vague and I take not the time to organize its order or check to make sure the Crappy Blogs I link to actually exist. Nobody clicks the links on My Crappy Blogroll, but I add to the list everyday nonetheless!

My Crappy Blog uses the default template!

Content is king on My Crappy Blog. At least, that’s the excuse I give for the fact that My Crappy Blog uses the default template, has no original images, and makes no effort to look any different than my neighbor’s crappy blog. This is a paradox, though, because I don’t actually ever update My Crappy Blog. Do you see it? Content is king, but I never create content! The closest I come to content creation is to link to a youtube video I did not make.

My Crappy Blog shuns full sentences!

My Crappy Blog exists in the information age. Times are too fast paced for me to use full sentences. My Crappy Blog assumes it will lose its prestigious rank as the 789,987,299 best blog on Technorati if I take a breather to compose a post that has grammar, syntax, and punctuation. My crappy blog also contains
a wizardly mix of
random line break characters, so my already-fragmented
prose becomes, quite literally, even more

My Crappy Blog has flair!

How many pieces of flair can you find on My Crappy Blog? Lots. I fill as much of my sidebar as I can with widgets and gadgets and twitter feeds. My widgets are useless trinkets with which nobody really likes to interact. Check out my clustr map.

Well, actually, it’s not my clustr map, per se. One day I hope my clustr map will actually have visitors. Either way, it’s the idea that I really like about the above picture. Namely, I want my widgets to display so much that they actually tell you nothing.

My Crappy Blog has photos I resized with html!

I like to steal other people’s copyrighted work for My Crappy Blog, but it doesn’t fit into my cookie cutter template. I choose to resize the images with a mix of html and Microsoft Word to achieve that pixelated look for my photos. I credit the source like I credit a full sentence. Never!

It’s me, Narcissus.

My Crappy Blog is all about me (except when I’m spamming other Crappy Blogs)!

I’ll never admit it, but My Crappy Blog is a shrine to my achievements. My Crappy Blog is part MySpace, part LiveJournal, part Maispace, and part photo gallery of me. It is socially acceptable for me to toot my horn on My Crappy Blog. Sometime I will even list my achievements in My Crappy Sidebar or my image header! This is, of course, when I am not reposting other Crappy Blogs’ images, posts, and words in order to get more hits on my own site. Mankind will savor the heights of my greatness when they visit my page.

~ by wcuk on April 29, 2008.

6 Responses to “Your Crappy Blog Is Crappier Than My Crappy Blog.”

  1. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I commend you for such a wonderful job at satiring most crappy blogs.

  2. I have read “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there a thing of which it is said, “See, this is new”? It has already been, in the ages before us.” – Ecclesiastes 1:9,10

    So, yes, there is a certain repetitiveness within the mass blog-o-sphere. People try to ‘win the INTERNET’ in their cleverness contest, just as you try to ‘win the INTERNET’ by generating a nicely stylized page… and your cleverness. You admit that your blog is also crappy, so this is no critique of your post.

    Here’s the thing: We are sincerely interested in the lives of the people that write these blogs. Just today, I saw pictures of my niece taking some of her first steps on a blog. Yes, my brother’s baby blog looks like and has similar content to every other baby blog, but the readership is still interested. Even the ‘ode-to-one’s-self’ blogs out in the blog-o-sphere are readable, because we care for them.

    Personally, my favorite blogs are those that try to inform us about themselves and their pet interests and causes. Some do so quite tastefully.

    I also do not care for the race to ‘win the INTERNET,’ but I will continue to get what I pay for and be happy about it. I admit that I enjoy reading crappy blogs, even yours.

  3. >blog posts > phd research

  4. I am gazing at the picture…but i am not finding you to be handsome…only one word is coming in my mind…crappy ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Actually the same criticisms have been expressed in many other blogs, manifesting a -possibly- self-critical tendency. I wrote a joke-list called the “10-point Blogging anti-manifesto”, since in Greece (where I live) most bloggers take themselves too seriously, while an outrage erupted because of the government’s naive plans to control Greek blogs, which turned out a near-impossibility, but it generated lots of militant agitation and another (serious) “blog manifesto” by someone else, signed by hundreds of others…

    I blog because I have things to express, through which I seek collaborators and friends. My creative interests perhaps could be regarded as narcissistic, yet -even so- I claim they are of the… benign-virus type: Seeking other musicians to jam with, or other programmers to code with, is not exactly self-centered, is it? ๐Ÿ™‚

    A blog-for-the-sake-of-blogging could also be narcissistic, if (iff) the blog author has nothing much to express. O.T.O.H. I do know one guy whose idea of blog-for-blogging is meta-blogging, as an exploration of the potentialities of this medium for his own art (as a graphic artist and architect). So, again, his initial idea of a self-addressing self-referent blog, did not turn out as narcissistic as his own self-sarcasm had planned!

    Pure, non-benign-infection narcissists are bores. They have little else to express except their need to be noticed. The rest of us CAN be a bit narcissistic, at times, but there is also a need for healthy self-love and self-realization. For example, there is a need to integrate disjoint parts of ourselves, into coherent forms of expression. This most probably happened to me, as well. With so many things to do, and other things I had to do for a living, it was previously impossible to sort them out, bring them together, present them (to myself, first) as a whole that makes sense, for a change, instead of being scattered in the winds, so to speak.

    To feel guilty for a clean, healthy dosage of self-love, while on the path of seeking friends and collaborators, would be perhaps (in this context) as silly as old moralistic condemnations of… masturbation! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Well said, my Greek friend, especially the second-to-last paragraph.

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