Hang up. Drive.

Put down your cell phone and drive your car.

Put it down.

Drive your car.

You think you can drive and talk on your phone at the same time. You can’t. Your driving is barely passable in its most sober, pure form. To think you can add an additional mental thread to this process is laughable. On your best day, you drive an inconsistent speed and change lanes without signaling. On your worst day? Well, on your worst day you fit in nicely with the rest of the NJ chunkblowers, the whole lot of you careening down the highway inside a veritable force field of self-sustaining stupidity.

“But Will, I need to be the hundredth caller to NJ101.5 to score those sweet Bon Jovi tickets.”


Addendum: This was a premeditated post, something I’ve always wanted to write. I am ok and was not involved in any kind of provoking incident.

~ by wcuk on July 28, 2008.

2 Responses to “Hang up. Drive.”

  1. Your more recent interaction with motor vehicles would be:

    “You’re not that important. Wait.

    Though you drive a luxury SUV, you still need to wait at that stop sign until the road is clear. You think that your DINK seven-figure income and six-figure smile entitle you to run over my friends, but you’re wrong. The state has invented a four letter word for you and placed it on big, red, octagonal signs all over the state – STOP! Oh, yeah, and the ‘white border’ does not mean that stopping is optional, despite what you heard in high school.”

  2. Upon arriving to Cornland from NJ, I was surprised to find that NJ drivers get such a bad rep about their driving. Turns out (and this is completely subjective), NJ drivers are actually aware of other drivers as opposed to Indiana drivers who don’t really grasp that roads have other cars on them. Consequently, people cruise in the left lane and swerve in out and out of lanes without signaling like it’s no one’s business. So while NJ drivers might not be nice to cyclists (no guarantee that IN drivers are any nicer; heck, they have trucknutz dangling from the back of their 15 gallon-to-a-mile trucks), driving in Jersey is definitely easier than IN, IMO.

    P.S. Not trying to be the non-native English speaking grammar snob, but a possessive ‘its’ has no apostrophe.

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