Hang up. Drive.
Put down your cell phone and drive your car.
Put it down.
Drive your car.
You think you can drive and talk on your phone at the same time. You can’t. Your driving is barely passable in its most sober, pure form. To think you can add an additional mental thread to this process is laughable. On your best day, you drive an inconsistent speed and change lanes without signaling. On your worst day? Well, on your worst day you fit in nicely with the rest of the NJ chunkblowers, the whole lot of you careening down the highway inside a veritable force field of self-sustaining stupidity.
“But Will, I need to be the hundredth caller to NJ101.5 to score those sweet Bon Jovi tickets.”
Addendum: This was a premeditated post, something I’ve always wanted to write. I am ok and was not involved in any kind of provoking incident.