I bring it upon myself.
In high school social studies we learn that every good little boy and girl ought to stay informed on current events. You know what they don’t teach in social studies? They don’t teach how to stay informed without wanting to stab your own eyes out.
Election years are the cyclical low points in my news morale. Screw change. All I ever get from an election year is red ties, blue ties, lapel pins, empty promises, fake smiles, forced handshakes, conspiracies, whining about Diebold, and celebrities telling me how important it is that I vote.
Please refrain from descending the stairs of your 80,000-ton-CO2-footprint house in the hills of LA once every four years to inform me that the vote is in need of rocking. There are far more lasting, important ways I can affect change in society than voting. How about not instilling the habits of conspicuous consumption in millions of Americans on a movie-by-movie, show-by-show, tabloid-by-tabloid basis?
Some turd burgler on Reddit submitted this prescient question today,
So I’ve got my absentee ballot and it instructs me to use a number 2 pencil when filling it out. Is there a more permenant(sic) way to mark my ballot that will still be read by the scanners?
I can’t be the only one picturing a room of cronies erasing the absentee ballots before they get scanned. “Tony! What do I do!? This one’s marked with permanent pen! Our plan is foiled!” Surely marking your ballot with pen will stop potential fraudsters at the gate.
I crave the normalcy of a non-election year, when I can stay current with only 90%, as opposed to 98%, politcal detritus. Until then, it’s carefree bike rides and shoddy blog posts from my elistist perch in apathyland.